A new leaf

I have recently decided to turn over a new leaf, I have made many promises to myself as well as others in the past year or so only to never really see them through. It's time for a change this time, they say you never know what you had until it's gone. Well that couldn't be more truthful, mistakes were made recently that should not have been. You never deserved that, and I know i have apologized to you time and time again, but the truth is that I never want to hurt you like that ever again. You deserve the world, and you mean the world to me. You have never once ever given me a reason to not trust you, you are the center of my universe. I love you to death and know for a fact you feel the same way about me and would never ever in a million years do anything to jeopardize that weather you were drunk or sober, it just could not and would not happen. From this day forth I make a REAL promise to try a lot harder than I have been in these regards. It is going to be a difficult task for me, and wont happen over night. But in my heart I know that i can over come this stupid issue for the both of us! I Love you so much Amanda Lynne Retes, please don't ever leave me ever, you are my world and it would come crashing down without you. again I love You to death stay with me forever!

Never

ceases to amaze me the stupid shit that causes problems. Im so sick of the dumb little things that cause problems. I have nothing but things to complain about when I get bored. I think this distance is just taking its toll on me, but im not going to give up, not ever. This means to much to me to just let it crumble beneath my feet. I need my little vacation coming up soon, more than anyone could possibly know. Its always better when Im with you, just hurry up and finish school so I can be with you forever.

Fuck you!

Your work ethic sucks, you do what you want when you want. You're a fucking scum bag asshole. I am no longer covering for your ass you pathetic excuse for a fucking human being, you don't deserve to work where you do, you take advantage of way to much. I hope you fucking get fired because that's about all you deserve. I did the entirety of your work day in 2 hours flat yesterday.. explain that you fucking faggot. fuck you, don't you dare fucking boss me around like you're the fucking king.

Every day..

I get more and more excited about getting married. Part of me thinks this is just weird behavior for a 22 year old man, but.. then on the other hand I'm happy and I could give a fuck what anyone else thinks.

Cool day

SO I started off my day by falling on my ass down a flight of wooden stairs. Then on my way in I get pulled over by a cop, because apparently I was going 40 in a 25.. and thats not even possibe considering the weather conditions. Thankfully he gave me a warning. Then Im here all day at work bored... and i have to work till 6PM tonight. not happy about that. so i have had a 12 hour day so far... and nothing good has come of it. on top of all that i cant even see my wife to be because we live nowhere near each other...

Day 1

That was a refreshing surprise visit. It was much needed, I miss you so much. I had a blast for the couple days I got. It was 100% worth it.. You're forever my queen and you deserve nothing but the world. I only hope I can give you everything that you deserve!! I love you.

Last night

I decided it was a good idea to drown my sorrows in a drink or 7. It actually made me express a lot of the feeling I had bottled up inside, and made things a lot better for me in more than one way. so I think things are going to start looking up from here on out!! (L)

Seven

Seven with the lime will keep me safe, long enough to stop the thought of your embrace inside my HEEEAAAEAAADDD!!

Soo

I had a near death experience already, long story short.. the grinding machine wasnt calibrated properly and a very sharp chunk of metal shot off the spindle and wizzed right by my head.. close enough to cut my nose.. had I not been moving as slow as I was.. I would be dead right now.

Betrayed

adios

Tonight

seems like its starting to turn out bad... I just want a normal night please.

=(

so I legit cried today around 10, today I feel like a horrible person for not being where I should be. I feel like I am letting people down and there is nothing I can do about it.

RIP

Today marks another one of those days... it sucks.... im nervous, end of story. I Love You and hope everything turns out ok! Ill be there for you asap!

ALR

I have been writing this since about 3:42 AM. I wanted to make sure it was perfect and I got my point across to everyone that matters before I posted it online. I have
come to the realization that I have a lot of issues, weather buried deep down or out in the open. I don't know why i do the things I do sometimes. When you first get
to know em i seem to be like a really nice guy, caring or what not. But it always comes out at some point or another later on, that I am actually a self centered,
selfish person. When I fight and or argue with a person, I always have to be the winner as if everything has to be a competition with me, like I always have to be the best.I hate that about myself, when I become like this or feel like i am going to lose I become for lack of a better way of putting it.. a monster. I have hurt certain people or mostly one person in my life lately. For that i will never forgive myself. This person does not deserve the way I treat them sometimes. I want to change i really do. They are my entire world and i am sure by now they know this. I am seriously thinking about getting therapy to possibly figure out why I am like this. I don't want to go on anymore the way i am, it makes me sick some of the things I say and do to get my way or get my point across sometimes. I desperately want to change and not just for myself, I want to change for YOU.. because you know who you are and you don't need to put up with it. But I will first and foremost thank you for putting
up with my shit. That's how I know I found what i am looking for. You are by far the best thing that's ever happened to my life, and I never want to lose you. Please
accept this apology, because I love you to death and I need you to know that. I know sometimes I may walk around with a tough guy facade, or that i don't care about
anything, or that I have no regrets. But that's the exact opposite. I regret a lot of things... to many to count on my hands and toes. Just know that especially in these next few days I will be there for you no matter what, I need you to know again that I love you to death and care about you sooooo much. I care more for your well being than I do my own, I would take a bullet for you.. or give my life for yours, that's how strong I feel about you. I hurt just as much as everyone else.. although i may not show it. but its time to start showing it.. its time to change.. I know i have barked up that tree for a while now, but this time has to be different... different for me, different for YOU. Again Please forgive me, I know I bounced around a lot but it needed to be said. In the end i will leave you with this, its time for a real change and you deserve better. Today is a new day and so it begins. I Love you, please forgive me.