ALR

I have been writing this since about 3:42 AM. I wanted to make sure it was perfect and I got my point across to everyone that matters before I posted it online. I have
come to the realization that I have a lot of issues, weather buried deep down or out in the open. I don't know why i do the things I do sometimes. When you first get
to know em i seem to be like a really nice guy, caring or what not. But it always comes out at some point or another later on, that I am actually a self centered,
selfish person. When I fight and or argue with a person, I always have to be the winner as if everything has to be a competition with me, like I always have to be the best.I hate that about myself, when I become like this or feel like i am going to lose I become for lack of a better way of putting it.. a monster. I have hurt certain people or mostly one person in my life lately. For that i will never forgive myself. This person does not deserve the way I treat them sometimes. I want to change i really do. They are my entire world and i am sure by now they know this. I am seriously thinking about getting therapy to possibly figure out why I am like this. I don't want to go on anymore the way i am, it makes me sick some of the things I say and do to get my way or get my point across sometimes. I desperately want to change and not just for myself, I want to change for YOU.. because you know who you are and you don't need to put up with it. But I will first and foremost thank you for putting
up with my shit. That's how I know I found what i am looking for. You are by far the best thing that's ever happened to my life, and I never want to lose you. Please
accept this apology, because I love you to death and I need you to know that. I know sometimes I may walk around with a tough guy facade, or that i don't care about
anything, or that I have no regrets. But that's the exact opposite. I regret a lot of things... to many to count on my hands and toes. Just know that especially in these next few days I will be there for you no matter what, I need you to know again that I love you to death and care about you sooooo much. I care more for your well being than I do my own, I would take a bullet for you.. or give my life for yours, that's how strong I feel about you. I hurt just as much as everyone else.. although i may not show it. but its time to start showing it.. its time to change.. I know i have barked up that tree for a while now, but this time has to be different... different for me, different for YOU. Again Please forgive me, I know I bounced around a lot but it needed to be said. In the end i will leave you with this, its time for a real change and you deserve better. Today is a new day and so it begins. I Love you, please forgive me.